Apple II - crop
Pastel 19 x 25" Canson paper
You know the ones. Those taunting voices in your head that tell you your work isn't worth the paper its on. They argue with you that you're wasting your time. They jog your arm to make you screw up. They nag and torment and make you doubt yourself. They keep you awake at night with snide remarks.
They're here in spades these last couple of days and I'm busily trying to evict them.
I think I know more now when to expect them and what they'll say. It doesn't always mean that it makes it easier to deal with, just that I know how to brace myself more for their attack.
It usually happens when I'm pushing myself to accomplish a lot. Right now I'm nearing the end of my gyotaku project and need to start finalizing pieces, framing, exhibition space, workshop, book, promotion, etc., etc. And I also have a number of other pieces happening as well, some more important that others, as well as commissions in the run up to Christmas.
I don't need these doubts right now. Early this morning as I tried to push a drawing into its final stages, the voices of self doubt were there, asking why bother. Its only a stupid drawing. No one will like it. Its not good enough. The had me so rattled that I grabbed the wrong can of fixative which turned out to be matte varnish. Luckily only a light spray was done before I noticed and no harm was done to the drawing. Of course that made them happier. "See, we told you you were hopeless." they snickered. I sprayed them with varnish and left for work.
The voices remain off and on but I WON'T let them get to me. No, I'm not crazy. Don't all artist have these same voices that appear from time to time to shove you around a little and make you rethink your role as an artist? What's your fighting strategy?