Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Everyone who has ever put pencil to paper has experienced a time when you try to draw and nothing transfers itself from brain to hand to paper. This is one of those times.
It could be for a number of reasons. I have been away and out of the routine of drawing. I have not felt well. Work and life pull at me and vie for my attention with work and life winning.
Tonight I sit with my moleskine open, trying to reach that space where my mind takes over and the rest of the world disappears, just creativity takes over. But it won't happen.
I've made marks, but they are childlike and don't seem like mine. There again, I fell asleep after supper, woke up and it took me a good five mimutes to figure out where I was. I'm sure that all that is happening in life right now takes its toll and impacts my ability to translate thoughts into images. I won't let it concern me. I know I ican do this. I know others expect me to do this. I want to do this. I will do this. Perhaps just not very well tonight. There is a cringe as I post this image as I know I can do much better. But each drawing has merit, good or bad and is something I can learn from. The challenge is if someone can see something recognizable out of the lines of tonight.
We all want perfection in what we do, but it is seldom acheived or only temporarily and that perfection is often the benchmark in our minds only; to others it is something entirely different. Expectations are often unfulfilled which is why I must learn to not rest my hopes on them. Yes, I expect certain things to unfold as I plan them, but often expectations are simply wishes, dreams and hopes that, in my head, never make it to the cutting room floor, where they belong or to remember to temper them with reality. I am the original dreamer with my heart and nerves on my sleeve. Reality is a harsh place to exist. I prefer the gentler world of dreams as do many artists. It is where creativity comes from. Perhaps that is why I am at a block. Reality has pushed into my life, shoving dreams to the side. I will be looking for those dreams tonight.
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